Sunday, May 3, 2009

Where's The Condom Tree?!

Jerry Springer: Let's bring out Kris and Mag for our next segment. They were at Friday's Arborfest fund-raiser for the Family Tree Clinic. Maybe they can shed a bit of light on the events that transpired. If you don't mind, we'll keep you two separated for your safety and mine. So tell me, Kris, what was your opinion on the event overall?

Kris: Arborfest is a great event and generally it is one of the first of the beer festival season. A stellar kick off and promise of more beer goodness to come.

Mag: *With a look of annoyance at Kris* Yeah Jerry, you can tell she wasn't the one dealing with bowel distress all weekend. That was probably from my extreme disappointment with the lack of the Family Tree Clinic condom tree this year. And her saying "it is one of the first of the beer festival season" is a flat out lie. Hell, Jerry, for her the beer festival season is non-stop.

Jerry: Aside from Mr.-Sour-Stomach, what did you like about Arborfest Kris?

Kris: Sure, there was no condom tree this year, but how many people did you see utilizing the fruits the tree in the past? This year the handy, discrete condoms and more packages on the tables went like hotcakes, supposedly "for the students" according to some.

And yes, when I'm drinking good beer, it's always a party. However at THIS party, the stars for me were Town Hall's Barrel Aged Chocolate Coconut Imperial Stout, Rush River's Chocolate Oatmeal Stout and Great Water's Chocolate Pear Porter. Lots of chocolate, but none were heavy. Definitely summery chocolate beers.

Mag: *With a mocking grin* Did you actually try any BEER? Sheesh.

Jerry: Okay, Mr. Negative *sarcasm*. Why don't you share what you liked?

Mag: Well Jerry, I didn't have a chance to try too many beers and I ain't the beer whore my wife is. But I was happy with the overall selection. There were a number of interesting beers that aren't always available, which was great. I pretty much enjoyed most of them that I had. I didn't care much for the Blueberry Ale from Granite City, but I know she did *pointing at Kris with an accusatory finger*. She'll drink anything.

Kris: I'll drink anything ONCE, especially when it's only a few ounces. After that I'll keep hitting my favorites, or the place that has the cute swag I'm coveting, until it's gone. Or until there's some interruption in the pouring such as the so called request from the brewers to add at 10 minute no pouring of beer in the evening. I think they wanted us to listen to the guy on stage yammering away but all that happened is the sound in the room went up by people asking all the brewers why they couldn't get another pour.

Mag: That guy yammering *yelling and throwing a chair at Kris' head* was Nick Coleman. And they were just trying to get folks to buy tickets for the auctioning off of the cool beer swag. Aside from the fact that I couldn't understand what was being said and thus had to stand around with an empty beer, I didn't mind. I mean, it is a fund-raiser after all. And I'm not the least bit bitter that I put all my tickets in one jar and got jack squat. Did I mention there was no condom tree *pouting*?

Jerry: Well, I think we've heard enough from these two. In all seriousness, this event, as usual, was a great event; great beer, ample food, plenty of space to move around, good folks. And the cause is a worthy one.


  1. This is pathetic! I can't believe you'd agree to appear on Jerry Springer! I knew you were trashy but this tops it!

  2. Truth be told, Jerry showed up at our door yesterday and asked us to appear. How could we turn him down?